NEW YORK (AP) 鈥� A shaky economy. Overwhelming student debt. Few job prospects. Some recent college graduates have a burdensome For others, the choice may be easy as they or desire the physical and emotional comforts of family.
But the familiar may feel different with the changing dynamics that come with growing up. One thing is certain: If you're a new grad or the parents of one, you're not alone in navigating new terrain.
Maturity and respect among all parties is a good place to start before those packing boxes arrive. So is having a Consider these tips for making it all work.
Set clear expectations early
Richard Ramos, a parenting trainer and author of 鈥淧arents on a Mission,鈥� urges parents and their young adult children to break from
For parents, shift from authority to ally.
鈥淵ou鈥檙e no longer parenting a teenager. You鈥檙e relating to an emerging adult. Move from 鈥榤anager鈥� to 鈥榤entor.鈥� Offer guidance, not control. Maintain your home as a launchpad, not a landing strip for them to get too comfortable in,鈥� he says.
Grads, come home with humility.
鈥淵ou may have a degree, but you鈥檙e still under your parents鈥� roof,鈥� Ramos says. 鈥淪how appreciation. Contribute to the household. Asking before assuming you can simply take shows your growth as a young adult. Honor the space they鈥檝e made for you.鈥�
Drill down to specifics
As a counselor and parent, Veronica Lichtenstein knows firsthand what Ramos means. Her 26-year-old son has been living at home for two years since graduation
鈥淚鈥檝e learned that clear, collaborative boundaries are the foundation of harmony,鈥� she says.
Lichtenstein has lots of practical advice, starting with a 鈥渓iving contract鈥� created cooperatively.
鈥淗is proposed terms became the starting point for negotiation. This empowered him to take ownership while ensuring mutual respect. The final signed agreement covered everything from chores to quiet hours,鈥� she says.
Common areas must be left clean, for example, and advance notice is required if he plans group gatherings.
鈥淓mphasize that this is a temporary, goal-oriented arrangement,鈥� Lichtenstein says. By that, she means: 鈥淲e鈥檙e happy to support you for 12 months while you save X dollars.鈥�
Regular check-ins keep everyone accountable.
Crystalize chores and shared resources
Amy McCready is the founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com and author of 鈥淭he Me, Me, Me Epidemic 鈥� A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World.鈥�
She suggests when it comes to shared resources.
鈥淚f they鈥檒l be driving your vehicle, be clear about when it鈥檚 available, who pays for gas or maintenance, and what responsibilities go with the privilege,鈥� McCready says. 鈥淯se 鈥榳hen-then鈥� phrasing to keep things respectful and direct: When your responsibilities are done, then the car is available.鈥�
If conflict arises, it鈥檚 often because everyone reverts to old roles and old rules, she says. 鈥淧ause and ask, 鈥楢re we interacting like we did when they were 17?'鈥�
Then reset with intention.
What about special guests?
Parents need to decide if conjugal visits for resident adult children are something they're comfortable with. Such overnight visits can be tricky, McCready notes.
鈥淚f overnight visits aren鈥檛 something you鈥檙e OK with, it鈥檚 completely appropriate to set that boundary,鈥� she says. 鈥淵ou might say, 鈥榃e鈥檙e so glad you鈥檙e here, and we want everyone to feel comfortable. For us, that means no overnight guests while you鈥檙e living at home.鈥欌��
Parents can ask to be told ahead of time if their grad plans to sleep elsewhere.
Parents, be careful not to judge
Eric Wood, director of the Counseling & Mental Health Center at Texas Christian University, says parents should check in on their frustrations over the new living scenario. Their graduate might feel embarrassed and worry that they're a burden.
鈥淒on鈥檛 judge, especially with the current job market and recent global events. It鈥檚 important not to be critical of a graduate who must return home,鈥� he says. 鈥淛ust like we advise incoming college students not to rush into a certain academic major, it鈥檚 more important not to rush into an entry career position. Establishing a solid trajectory for a successful and happy career is the priority.鈥�
Wood said the new mantra for parents should be: Support, but don't problem solve when it comes to
鈥淚t鈥檚 important for the parent or family member not to act as if they are trying to solve a problem,鈥� he says. 鈥淒oing so will only send a message that the graduate is a problem and could lead to conflicts.鈥�
Leanne Italie, The Associated Press
